I had a friend message me today, we got to talking about how to stay on track. I'm really good about sticking to my plan. Sure, I'm not perfect, I do on occasion have a piece of cake at a birthday party, but mostly, I just don't want it, and the longer I stay away from sugar, the more, I'm not terribly interested. I like to focus on what I can have rather than what I cannot.
While I was in Nebraska with my kids for a week, I stayed on plan. It wasn't hard, we saved a lot of money by not going out to eat. I simply made sure we had a room with a fridge, and a microwave and brought a crock pot with us. My crock pot has a separate base that can also be used as a griddle. You can probably get away with also using a cooler instead of a fridge, but you need to be careful to keep things cool. I bought chicken, and ground beef and whatever I wanted to go with those things. My kids still eat bread, so we had buns for sloppy joes and taco shells for their tacos, cheese and sour cream and guacamole.
I cooked the chicken or ground beef in the crock pot for dinner that night and then put the leftovers away to eat another day and we just used the microwave to heat stuff up. It was super simple and made what could have been an expensive trip, a lot cheaper, and mine and my kids bellies were always full. We didn't worry about breakfast because the hotel had breakfast every day. But I could have chosen to cook eggs for sure, since I had a griddle available with my crock pot. Some people might choose to eat out more often when they are on vacation, but honestly, I would eat the same things, and it took virtually no effort to do it this way.
We are planning on leaving for a trip for Vegas (Yay! RollerCon!) and I plan to do the same thing with a trip to the grocery store the first day. I'm going to pack seasonings and whatever I can and because we are flying SouthWest, I'll just pack my second bag with the crock pot and whatever else I want to bring with me. I really don't eat for the sake of eating. I eat when I'm hungry. So this works really well for me. But we will see how my husband fairs this time around. The kids didn't complain at all!
This morning one of my friends messaged me because I seem to have a lot of willpower when it comes to this sort of stuff. The best way I could explain it was to say that I look at carbs or junk the same as spending money on an ugly, unflattering piece of clothing. No way would I go into a store and spend money on something that didn't look good on me. So when I think of eating junk, I consider that. I consider junk/carbs as an unflattering shirt. I certainly don't want to wear it! Why would I buy it? It makes it easier for me to pass this stuff by. Same as if I were to go to someone's house. If someone wanted to give me something that wasn't going to look good on me, I wouldn't take it. I know that all that extra junk isn't going to look good on me. So I just leave it for someone else.
Do what's best for you!!
Sunday, October 30, 2016
Sunday.
I just came back from practice, and I was thinking about the whole night. I'm not sure where this post is going to go, but I was specifically thinking about the night in relationship to my whole year this year. I know it's been a hard year for a lot of people. I had my own tragedies this year, but I can't say that the year itself, in whole, was bad. I mean there is still 3 months to go... so I guess there is time to change my mind. LOL
So we were at derby and I was having a great night, I had lots of energy. I have no idea where it came from, but there it was. So every chance we had to get water (I don't drink water during practice, because of gastroparesis/reflux issues) I was trying something new. Which probably didn't look like too much to anyone else. Except it was huge that I was even trying to do anything at all. Since coming to Tampa, and to some extent prior to that, I have really held myself back. I felt this way a little in Michigan, but I always just tried to work through it. Here, for the 3 years prior, I would absolutely put in effort, but was it my best effort?
Probably not.
In fact, I know exact moments when I would puss out. I was scared. These women I play derby with are intimidating. My heroes. I was afraid that I could never measure up! In my head, there was no way that I could be half as good as them, and in my head, I just knew they were laughing at me! Laughing every time I tried something new, every time I fell, every time I tried and didn't make my goal.
Except they weren't.
I let myself be held back by my imagination and fear. I lost 80#, I could feel myself getting stronger, I just couldn't get past something in my head telling me that I couldn't let down my guard and let anything know that I cared that I couldn't get where I wanted to be. Why wasn't it working? People can see that I am trying hard, I thought! I mean, I lost all this weight! I show up!! And all that was true and it was a good thing.
But something was missing.
I asked for a lot of advice this year and I got back a lot of great stuff. The two best things were that it isn't all about just being low on the track, you need to be low and agile. That made a lot of sense, because I could get low, but then I was stuck. Working on ladder drills in derby position really helped me use my muscles in a way that would help with that! I was actively working on that when I broke my leg in February and I really think working on that was one of the things that helped me start that break in pretty good shape! It made moving around with one leg easier! LOL
The second bit of advice and it's probably the most important. And a lot of skaters do it themselves and then lie to themselves about it. I know I did. Take something pretty easy like warm ups. We do a lot of time, 5 hard, fast laps, and then we work on things like transitions, stops and stuff like that. Well, I would half ass it, nearly 100% of the time. I wasn't confident in my skills, because they were lacking, so instead of putting the effort to gain speed, or get low, I would just do as much as I KNEW would make it so I could perform the skill. So where did that leave me? In 3 years, I made slight progress, but in no way was it where I wanted to go. And to top it off my teammates just got better during that time. I didn't have to tell anyone I was doing it. THEY ALL COULD SEE IT!! They could see my lackadaisical attitude. I had moments on the track where I had decent hit, or I worked well, in the pack with my teammates, but they could see that I wasn't putting in 100%.
So back to the beginning of this year...I was depressed because I wasn't eval'ing at the level I was desperate for. Or so I was telling myself. The advice I got was pretty much... that I was holding back. That I didn't look hungry.
It was like a slap in the face.
Of course I was hungry, I never wanted anything more than to be accepted by this group of people in my life! I wanted it!!
And then I really thought about it. I thought about all the times that I went half speed on my plows, because I couldn't stop when I went faster, and all the times, I went out there for a jam and was happy it was called off early, because it wasn't going like I had hoped and I wanted a redo. Or the fact that everyone would pass me by during laps (and there is no shame here, I mean as long as you are doing your best!). I wasn't even competing with myself anymore. I was just lying to myself. How badly do you want something, if you aren't even going to put in 75% effort!?
So I started putting in effort. Actually, I felt like a fraud at first. I am sure no one could even tell a difference, but I was afraid that someone would call me out on it and embarrass me. Like how silly is that? "Hey Anja! YOU IDIOT! WE CAN TELL YOU ARE TRYING! AHAHAHAHAHAH!" Right. needless to say, no one would say that. But that's how irrational fear is.
Then one day, I realized, I was going faster, my body was doing things I had told myself it would never do, and people did notice that I was trying. And what did they say? They said, "We can really see your effort in that drill!" "Wow, you were where you needed to be the whole time". "That was exactly what you needed to do." When I spent time working on my own stuff tonight, I got claps for my spin that I have been working on for a year and a half. It wasn't great. But no one was laughing at me. When I do those 5 laps, I put in 100%. When we do stops, I sometimes fall right on my ass. No one laughs.
So my biggest piece of advice is to put yourself out there! Sure, they are looking at your skills! But they are also looking at your heart! Put it all in! Don't let your brain lie to you. You CAN DO IT!
So we were at derby and I was having a great night, I had lots of energy. I have no idea where it came from, but there it was. So every chance we had to get water (I don't drink water during practice, because of gastroparesis/reflux issues) I was trying something new. Which probably didn't look like too much to anyone else. Except it was huge that I was even trying to do anything at all. Since coming to Tampa, and to some extent prior to that, I have really held myself back. I felt this way a little in Michigan, but I always just tried to work through it. Here, for the 3 years prior, I would absolutely put in effort, but was it my best effort?
Probably not.
In fact, I know exact moments when I would puss out. I was scared. These women I play derby with are intimidating. My heroes. I was afraid that I could never measure up! In my head, there was no way that I could be half as good as them, and in my head, I just knew they were laughing at me! Laughing every time I tried something new, every time I fell, every time I tried and didn't make my goal.
Except they weren't.
I let myself be held back by my imagination and fear. I lost 80#, I could feel myself getting stronger, I just couldn't get past something in my head telling me that I couldn't let down my guard and let anything know that I cared that I couldn't get where I wanted to be. Why wasn't it working? People can see that I am trying hard, I thought! I mean, I lost all this weight! I show up!! And all that was true and it was a good thing.
But something was missing.
I asked for a lot of advice this year and I got back a lot of great stuff. The two best things were that it isn't all about just being low on the track, you need to be low and agile. That made a lot of sense, because I could get low, but then I was stuck. Working on ladder drills in derby position really helped me use my muscles in a way that would help with that! I was actively working on that when I broke my leg in February and I really think working on that was one of the things that helped me start that break in pretty good shape! It made moving around with one leg easier! LOL
The second bit of advice and it's probably the most important. And a lot of skaters do it themselves and then lie to themselves about it. I know I did. Take something pretty easy like warm ups. We do a lot of time, 5 hard, fast laps, and then we work on things like transitions, stops and stuff like that. Well, I would half ass it, nearly 100% of the time. I wasn't confident in my skills, because they were lacking, so instead of putting the effort to gain speed, or get low, I would just do as much as I KNEW would make it so I could perform the skill. So where did that leave me? In 3 years, I made slight progress, but in no way was it where I wanted to go. And to top it off my teammates just got better during that time. I didn't have to tell anyone I was doing it. THEY ALL COULD SEE IT!! They could see my lackadaisical attitude. I had moments on the track where I had decent hit, or I worked well, in the pack with my teammates, but they could see that I wasn't putting in 100%.
So back to the beginning of this year...I was depressed because I wasn't eval'ing at the level I was desperate for. Or so I was telling myself. The advice I got was pretty much... that I was holding back. That I didn't look hungry.
It was like a slap in the face.
Of course I was hungry, I never wanted anything more than to be accepted by this group of people in my life! I wanted it!!
And then I really thought about it. I thought about all the times that I went half speed on my plows, because I couldn't stop when I went faster, and all the times, I went out there for a jam and was happy it was called off early, because it wasn't going like I had hoped and I wanted a redo. Or the fact that everyone would pass me by during laps (and there is no shame here, I mean as long as you are doing your best!). I wasn't even competing with myself anymore. I was just lying to myself. How badly do you want something, if you aren't even going to put in 75% effort!?
So I started putting in effort. Actually, I felt like a fraud at first. I am sure no one could even tell a difference, but I was afraid that someone would call me out on it and embarrass me. Like how silly is that? "Hey Anja! YOU IDIOT! WE CAN TELL YOU ARE TRYING! AHAHAHAHAHAH!" Right. needless to say, no one would say that. But that's how irrational fear is.
Then one day, I realized, I was going faster, my body was doing things I had told myself it would never do, and people did notice that I was trying. And what did they say? They said, "We can really see your effort in that drill!" "Wow, you were where you needed to be the whole time". "That was exactly what you needed to do." When I spent time working on my own stuff tonight, I got claps for my spin that I have been working on for a year and a half. It wasn't great. But no one was laughing at me. When I do those 5 laps, I put in 100%. When we do stops, I sometimes fall right on my ass. No one laughs.
So my biggest piece of advice is to put yourself out there! Sure, they are looking at your skills! But they are also looking at your heart! Put it all in! Don't let your brain lie to you. You CAN DO IT!
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