They are Always Watching.

I didn't make the B team.  For clarification, I am eligible, but my peers didn't choose me.  While I whined for a bit, and have worried since, the only "w" word, I should focus on here is "work".  So that's that.

Anya getting through the pack with Tampa Jr. Derby. 

I spent an afternoon, a few days later, with my daughter.  She also plays derby.  When I put myself down, she immediately tried to make me feel better.  Because that's the type of kid she is.  Taking that into consideration... She wants to be like me and she isn't going to want to keep working in that direction if I keep labeling myself as "A Loser" every time I make a mistake or feel like I had a poor practice, she is watching and listening.  If she makes those same mistakes, she is learning that she is also, "a loser".

That's the very last thing I want.  I don't even want her to aspire to me like me.  I want her to want MORE and it would be really hard for her to hit HER personal highest potential if I show her that I lack self-worth in the most important person.  Myself.  At some point she may think...'I can't [rap Slick Rick's Bedtime Story] as well as my mom, so I must suck at it, why bother trying'.  When really, it is just a lack of experience, or knowledge in how to do something. I want her to see that I have a passion to succeed and meet my personal goals.  I don't suck.  I just need to work harder to get where I want to be.  Perhaps, I won't meet every goal, but I try my damnedest to make it happen. I want her to see that.  In order for that to happen, I need to stop highlighting to her, to everyone and to myself, all the things I can't do.  I mean, why say, it?  We all know what we can't do. 

The draft for home teams is this week.  I can't say that I am not anxious about it.  I totally am.  I was passed by before, and passed by for the B team.  But you know what?  I would make a great addition to any of the teams there.  And if they don't see that, well, It won't stop me from shining and doing my best.  Because I am someone who doesn't give up on their dreams.

I hope my kids can see that.  And if they don't.  I need to change my behavior so they do.  I have that power.