So one day, a couple months ago, I came home from work and I said to my husband (not sure if he was even my husband at the time,) and said, "I think I am going to give up on the idea of going back to school, and focus on increasing my skills in derby instead".
Now for the average person that might sound ludicrous. Some days it is even that way for me, and it's my idea. The best part of this is that regardless of whether he was my husband or not... he didn't try to talk me out of it. In fact, he just simply asked me more about the idea, and how I planned to achieve what I wanted. And has been nothing but supportive of my every move. Which is amazing. I am so grateful.
I was listening to an MP3 about goal setting (Bonnie.D, of course) and she was talking about how it is hard to have a brand new idea and share it with someone. More often than not, people don't know what to do with a brand new idea. Many people would just say that my idea was crazy and irresponsible. But it isn't like I am going to quit my job now, and pursue derby and leave the financial shit to him. I mean we have 4 kids. HAHA.
Anyway, This post is just about how happy and grateful I am to have such a fantastic guy to share my dreams and ideas with. This next year I need to work on being the one he can also bounce off ideas. Part of my change of focus is self-reflection in the areas that hold me back, from being the person I want to be and this is one area. Admission is the first step... He is a great role model, and I hope I can be as responsible with a brand new idea as he is. I am one lucky girl. Have a great night!!
Showing posts with label Bonnie D. Stroir. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bonnie D. Stroir. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Attitude is catching... spread a good one
Sunday, I was telling a few people about a life-changing moment that happened to me, during a game about 7 months ago. I wanted to share this. The place isn't important. But when you come across one person who is there to say the right thing, at the right time, it may make all the difference in their outlook and spark changes that cause them to live a happier life and spread happiness, too. Like me. Thank you, Jennifer, for being that person to me.
I have played in quite a few games since I started playing roller derby a few years ago. Nearly always, it was the same people. The same coaches, the same venue, everything the same. Including my attitude. I would totally lose my shit at the start of each game. I wasn't a huge fan of crowds, and I would question why I was still playing, if derby was for me, and wonder "was I too old?"... and "WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?". I would threaten to leave, or throw up.. or pee myself. I was a hot mess. In one particular game we had a bench coach. Usually we had one of the girls who was usually captain coaching us, but that was different too, she wasn't there. I had a pulled groin. I was anxious because the bench coach was someone I really respected in the derby community and I just wanted to be a good representation of my league.
The game started, and for the first time since I ever started playing with this group, there was a different energy, maybe it was just me... but I certainly felt it, and my team seemed like they were doing really playing to a potential, I hadn't seem them play before. The bench coach had a level head and when the girls got off the track there was only feel good talk, and what we could try the next jam to keep the other team at bay and attempt to score more points. After one particular jam, I got off the track and the bench coach happily yelled at ME, "Good Job!!!" And hugged me. I blurted out, "Thank you for not saying I sucked." The look on her face, was as if I slapped her. "You DON'T suck.", she said. I happily skated away, and tried not to cry.
The team played like a unit that day. We didn't win. But I honestly can say that it was the first game that I felt like we did.
I was listening to a Bonnie D. Stroir MP3 (http://shop.bonniedstroir.com/MP3-Downloads_c3.htm) about zen roller derby and I realized that this was what that was. It was US playing to our fullest potential that day. There was nothing like it. We did ultimately win. Because as Bonnie said, it didn't matter what the score was. Playing to your fullest potential is winning.
After that day, I played in a couple more games with this same team and as it went on my attitude there got better. I realize that sometimes there is someone there on the team that seems to bring out the not-so-great side of people. And for me, this person was always there. I started seriously considering playing elsewhere. If, for one game, you could pull one person from the team, and replace them with someone who had a great attitude, who empowered you instead of making you feel like you couldn't do anything right... then why not find a team that had that vibe? So you could all always reach your full potential. I realized that I wanted that. Eventually, I took a short break, and decided not to go back to my old league. I found another league. They may not be perfect, but they are definitely motivating and the coaching is inspired and done with heart. They help me, bring out the best in me! I feel like I am on my way to reaching my full potential. I am inspired to even work harder to reach the next goal. This has caused a push into my entire life, of positive energy, and I just want to share it with everyone!
I used to say this about my ex husband, but it applies here. If you aren't with people that make you happy 95% of the time, then you need to find new people. Sometimes, it's your attitude, but sometimes it isn't. While I was still at my old league I started making changes. I had decided after that day to try to be happier and try new things. Instead of letting the gossip and BS get to me. I had a meeting with the person, and you know what? It didn't make a difference because that person wasn't in the same place as me. I was disappointed. But that was OK. I didn't need their validation in knowing I was right and doing the right thing. I really just wanted to work together to fix the situation and if they didn't feel the same, what could I do, besides change where I was? I was nervous about making a change, but I wanted bigger changes... and sometimes stuff is scary. If you don't take a risk, then you never will see the results you want.
So, check your SELF. - are you the problem? Is there something you can change with your attitude that will make you happier? That will make the people around you live up to their fullest potential? If you do that, and you find that you still aren't getting what you need, LOOK AROUND YOU. Is there one person who just seems to suck the life out of you? You find yourself tuning them out, or worse, catch their negative attitude when you are around them? BOTH of these things are important when considering where the problem is coming from. But you only have control over one thing. You, and how you respond to a situation.
You can change your attitude and then if that isn't enough, switch the people around you. It might make all the difference. Remember... Attitude is catching....spread a good one!
XOXO
Anja
I have played in quite a few games since I started playing roller derby a few years ago. Nearly always, it was the same people. The same coaches, the same venue, everything the same. Including my attitude. I would totally lose my shit at the start of each game. I wasn't a huge fan of crowds, and I would question why I was still playing, if derby was for me, and wonder "was I too old?"... and "WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?". I would threaten to leave, or throw up.. or pee myself. I was a hot mess. In one particular game we had a bench coach. Usually we had one of the girls who was usually captain coaching us, but that was different too, she wasn't there. I had a pulled groin. I was anxious because the bench coach was someone I really respected in the derby community and I just wanted to be a good representation of my league.
The game started, and for the first time since I ever started playing with this group, there was a different energy, maybe it was just me... but I certainly felt it, and my team seemed like they were doing really playing to a potential, I hadn't seem them play before. The bench coach had a level head and when the girls got off the track there was only feel good talk, and what we could try the next jam to keep the other team at bay and attempt to score more points. After one particular jam, I got off the track and the bench coach happily yelled at ME, "Good Job!!!" And hugged me. I blurted out, "Thank you for not saying I sucked." The look on her face, was as if I slapped her. "You DON'T suck.", she said. I happily skated away, and tried not to cry.
The team played like a unit that day. We didn't win. But I honestly can say that it was the first game that I felt like we did.
I was listening to a Bonnie D. Stroir MP3 (http://shop.bonniedstroir.com/MP3-Downloads_c3.htm) about zen roller derby and I realized that this was what that was. It was US playing to our fullest potential that day. There was nothing like it. We did ultimately win. Because as Bonnie said, it didn't matter what the score was. Playing to your fullest potential is winning.
After that day, I played in a couple more games with this same team and as it went on my attitude there got better. I realize that sometimes there is someone there on the team that seems to bring out the not-so-great side of people. And for me, this person was always there. I started seriously considering playing elsewhere. If, for one game, you could pull one person from the team, and replace them with someone who had a great attitude, who empowered you instead of making you feel like you couldn't do anything right... then why not find a team that had that vibe? So you could all always reach your full potential. I realized that I wanted that. Eventually, I took a short break, and decided not to go back to my old league. I found another league. They may not be perfect, but they are definitely motivating and the coaching is inspired and done with heart. They help me, bring out the best in me! I feel like I am on my way to reaching my full potential. I am inspired to even work harder to reach the next goal. This has caused a push into my entire life, of positive energy, and I just want to share it with everyone!
I used to say this about my ex husband, but it applies here. If you aren't with people that make you happy 95% of the time, then you need to find new people. Sometimes, it's your attitude, but sometimes it isn't. While I was still at my old league I started making changes. I had decided after that day to try to be happier and try new things. Instead of letting the gossip and BS get to me. I had a meeting with the person, and you know what? It didn't make a difference because that person wasn't in the same place as me. I was disappointed. But that was OK. I didn't need their validation in knowing I was right and doing the right thing. I really just wanted to work together to fix the situation and if they didn't feel the same, what could I do, besides change where I was? I was nervous about making a change, but I wanted bigger changes... and sometimes stuff is scary. If you don't take a risk, then you never will see the results you want.
So, check your SELF. - are you the problem? Is there something you can change with your attitude that will make you happier? That will make the people around you live up to their fullest potential? If you do that, and you find that you still aren't getting what you need, LOOK AROUND YOU. Is there one person who just seems to suck the life out of you? You find yourself tuning them out, or worse, catch their negative attitude when you are around them? BOTH of these things are important when considering where the problem is coming from. But you only have control over one thing. You, and how you respond to a situation.
You can change your attitude and then if that isn't enough, switch the people around you. It might make all the difference. Remember... Attitude is catching....spread a good one!
XOXO
Anja
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Taking on Uneccessary Crap.
So lately, I have been giving a few things some thought. I noticed that while I long to have lots of people like me and want to spend time with me, or even just how I feel like I want to be included, I watch people in the inner circles of things and realize that they don't look happy there. I know when I was in the circle, I wasn't either. I am much happier where I am now.
Two months ago, we attended the Bonnie D. Stroir Clinic with A2D2 and while she had a lot to share on the track, she had a lot to say, too. One of the things she talked about was not watching the jams you aren't in during a game. This is what I always did, until one day, I didn't and started watching. She suggested that not watching helps you keep your energy, so you aren't sucked into it, by another player"s bad jam. Basically, you go to your zen place while on the bench. (Not if you are in the box, then you need to pay attention) and when your teammates get off the floor, you tell them they did a good job, regardless of the outcome. I really liked this idea, and could see the benefit, I have been sharing it with everyone I played with since.
Today, I read an article in Scrubs Magazine. The article is called, "Are You Out of Control?" By Elizabeth Farrell. Interestingly, the article mentions something about this. Say your kid gets a shot. You FEEL the shot yourself. That is "empathy pain" that we all have experienced at one time or another. She said that it's "mirror neurons registering the pain". To extend all this further, you can look at drama or gossip that you have had to deal with, and realize that it also "sucks the life out of you". I think it is much the same thing. I know that if I have to deal with a friend that tends to draw that kind of "excitement" I feel at times as if I am emotionally going through it too. It is physically and mentally draining. There are a couple of things you can do about this. Like in the game, you need to mentally zone out, get out of there and literally think happy thoughts. I think we would all benefit if we could just learn to meditate every day, when it is quiet and then when things are crazy, you will have a better grasp on finding that peace for a few minutes.
I know that this is what helps me, especially the last year. Of course, identifying those toxic personalities helps, because you can prepare to not let it get to you. You don't have to get rid of them as friends, and sometimes with teammates or co-workers you don't have a choice. But you have control over how you react to the situation.
Hugs and Bruises. :)
Two months ago, we attended the Bonnie D. Stroir Clinic with A2D2 and while she had a lot to share on the track, she had a lot to say, too. One of the things she talked about was not watching the jams you aren't in during a game. This is what I always did, until one day, I didn't and started watching. She suggested that not watching helps you keep your energy, so you aren't sucked into it, by another player"s bad jam. Basically, you go to your zen place while on the bench. (Not if you are in the box, then you need to pay attention) and when your teammates get off the floor, you tell them they did a good job, regardless of the outcome. I really liked this idea, and could see the benefit, I have been sharing it with everyone I played with since.
Today, I read an article in Scrubs Magazine. The article is called, "Are You Out of Control?" By Elizabeth Farrell. Interestingly, the article mentions something about this. Say your kid gets a shot. You FEEL the shot yourself. That is "empathy pain" that we all have experienced at one time or another. She said that it's "mirror neurons registering the pain". To extend all this further, you can look at drama or gossip that you have had to deal with, and realize that it also "sucks the life out of you". I think it is much the same thing. I know that if I have to deal with a friend that tends to draw that kind of "excitement" I feel at times as if I am emotionally going through it too. It is physically and mentally draining. There are a couple of things you can do about this. Like in the game, you need to mentally zone out, get out of there and literally think happy thoughts. I think we would all benefit if we could just learn to meditate every day, when it is quiet and then when things are crazy, you will have a better grasp on finding that peace for a few minutes.
I know that this is what helps me, especially the last year. Of course, identifying those toxic personalities helps, because you can prepare to not let it get to you. You don't have to get rid of them as friends, and sometimes with teammates or co-workers you don't have a choice. But you have control over how you react to the situation.
Hugs and Bruises. :)
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