Sunday, I was telling a few people about a life-changing moment that happened to me, during a game about 7 months ago. I wanted to share this. The place isn't important. But when you come across one person who is there to say the right thing, at the right time, it may make all the difference in their outlook and spark changes that cause them to live a happier life and spread happiness, too. Like me. Thank you, Jennifer, for being that person to me.
I have played in quite a few games since I started playing roller derby a few years ago. Nearly always, it was the same people. The same coaches, the same venue, everything the same. Including my attitude. I would totally lose my shit at the start of each game. I wasn't a huge fan of crowds, and I would question why I was still playing, if derby was for me, and wonder "was I too old?"... and "WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?". I would threaten to leave, or throw up.. or pee myself. I was a hot mess. In one particular game we had a bench coach. Usually we had one of the girls who was usually captain coaching us, but that was different too, she wasn't there. I had a pulled groin. I was anxious because the bench coach was someone I really respected in the derby community and I just wanted to be a good representation of my league.
The game started, and for the first time since I ever started playing with this group, there was a different energy, maybe it was just me... but I certainly felt it, and my team seemed like they were doing really playing to a potential, I hadn't seem them play before. The bench coach had a level head and when the girls got off the track there was only feel good talk, and what we could try the next jam to keep the other team at bay and attempt to score more points. After one particular jam, I got off the track and the bench coach happily yelled at ME, "Good Job!!!" And hugged me. I blurted out, "Thank you for not saying I sucked." The look on her face, was as if I slapped her. "You DON'T suck.", she said. I happily skated away, and tried not to cry.
The team played like a unit that day. We didn't win. But I honestly can say that it was the first game that I felt like we did.
I was listening to a Bonnie D. Stroir MP3 (http://shop.bonniedstroir.com/MP3-Downloads_c3.htm) about zen roller derby and I realized that this was what that was. It was US playing to our fullest potential that day. There was nothing like it. We did ultimately win. Because as Bonnie said, it didn't matter what the score was. Playing to your fullest potential is winning.
After that day, I played in a couple more games with this same team and as it went on my attitude there got better. I realize that sometimes there is someone there on the team that seems to bring out the not-so-great side of people. And for me, this person was always there. I started seriously considering playing elsewhere. If, for one game, you could pull one person from the team, and replace them with someone who had a great attitude, who empowered you instead of making you feel like you couldn't do anything right... then why not find a team that had that vibe? So you could all always reach your full potential. I realized that I wanted that. Eventually, I took a short break, and decided not to go back to my old league. I found another league. They may not be perfect, but they are definitely motivating and the coaching is inspired and done with heart. They help me, bring out the best in me! I feel like I am on my way to reaching my full potential. I am inspired to even work harder to reach the next goal. This has caused a push into my entire life, of positive energy, and I just want to share it with everyone!
I used to say this about my ex husband, but it applies here. If you aren't with people that make you happy 95% of the time, then you need to find new people. Sometimes, it's your attitude, but sometimes it isn't. While I was still at my old league I started making changes. I had decided after that day to try to be happier and try new things. Instead of letting the gossip and BS get to me. I had a meeting with the person, and you know what? It didn't make a difference because that person wasn't in the same place as me. I was disappointed. But that was OK. I didn't need their validation in knowing I was right and doing the right thing. I really just wanted to work together to fix the situation and if they didn't feel the same, what could I do, besides change where I was? I was nervous about making a change, but I wanted bigger changes... and sometimes stuff is scary. If you don't take a risk, then you never will see the results you want.
So, check your SELF. - are you the problem? Is there something you can change with your attitude that will make you happier? That will make the people around you live up to their fullest potential? If you do that, and you find that you still aren't getting what you need, LOOK AROUND YOU. Is there one person who just seems to suck the life out of you? You find yourself tuning them out, or worse, catch their negative attitude when you are around them? BOTH of these things are important when considering where the problem is coming from. But you only have control over one thing. You, and how you respond to a situation.
You can change your attitude and then if that isn't enough, switch the people around you. It might make all the difference. Remember... Attitude is catching....spread a good one!
XOXO
Anja
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